When A Relationship Should End

On Friday, a friend of mine was going through a small crisis, she and her boyfriend broke up after 2 years of being together. This is the same girl from my previous blog "If there isn't any physical contact, is it still considered cheating?". I'll call my friend Crystal, and her now ex-boyfriend Derek.

At first, Crystal and Derek's relationship was sizzling. I remember times when I felt awkward just being in the same room with them when they started their daily, loving rituals. Sometimes, they were so passionate during their kissing rituals that I was tempted to stand in front of them so the nosy people passing by would stop staring at them. That's how hot it was.
But after several months, the sizzle died out, not completely, but just a bit, which is normal. After that, they were no longer considered a new couple, they were known as a pair.

After about a year into the relationship, the signs that proved that their relationship wasn't going to last started showing up. First, it started with him not wanting to talk about his future with her. Crystal believed Derek was "the one", and she continuously asked him where they would be in 10 years, but he never wanted to talk about it. "I don't think about that stuff," Derek would say, or "I don't want to talk about that right now." That is a bad sign. If a relationship is going to work, both parties should see each other in their future. Crystal says that she wished she had paid more attention to that little part in their relationship.

Then another sign showed up. Crystal and Derek weren't spending as much time together outside of school as they did in the beginning. Derek claimed that he didn't like many of her friends (except me) and that he would rather hang out with his friends than be with her and her friends. Ouch! That's a really bad sign. And when they did get together outside of school, he would tell her to just come to his house. They no longer made plans to see each other and when they did, it was something as easy as "If you want to hang out, then come over." That's another bad sign. When you no longer make an effort to see each other and have a good time, then there is something wrong.

After a while, another sign that doomed their relationship reared its ugly head. Crystal and Derek were always fighting. They would have a argument about something as stupid as a television program and wouldn't speak to each other for a couple of days. This is normal if it happens now and then, but they fought all the time, which is a very bad sign. And one of the reasons they fought was because they were fighting for control. "Why do you always have to hold the remote control?" "Why don't you let me choose what we're going to eat?" "Why don't you hang out with my friends?" These questions about control in their relationship, how ever small, isn't a good sign, and these questions led to arguments that kept them from speaking to each other for a couple of days. Crystal said she would've paid attention to those problems, but then he would call her or come to her with a teddy bear or flowers and apologize, and then she would forget about their former problems.

And another sign that I wrote about in the blog "If there isn't any physical contact, is it still considered cheating?," Chrystal began to compare Derek to a friend she was beginning to like a little too much. That is a bad sign as well. I don't believe she was cheating, but it was a definite sign that she wasn't happy. When you start comparing each other to other people, it means you are finding flaws in your partner that you really don't want and you're unconsciously looking for someone who doesn't have those flaws. That's a bad sign. If they're unhappy with each other early in the relationship, then there is no way they're going to make it in 5 years.

All these signs were in front of Crystal, but she refused to see it. Even though she loved Derek, she was unhappy. She tried telling herself that every relationship has those problems and that it was normal, but it wasn't good normal. Many relationships go bad and those problems are usual, but not good. Just recently, she started to realize that and she ended it. When he didn't fight and just shrugged, she knew she had made the right decision. Now she's going to try to start a relationship with the friend she was comparing Derek to. I hope that relationship will be better than her relationship with Derek.